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Dr. Warren Farrell is the author of
many books, including two award-winning international best-sellers, Why Men Are The Way They Are plus The Myth of Male Power. His most recent
books are Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t
Say, which was a selection of the Book-of-the-Month Club,
and Father and Child Reunion
about how fathers can be successful at both work and
home. His latest book, just published this year, Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth Behind the Pay Gap and What
Women Can Do About It, helps both employers and employees
understand what makes a company want to increase an employee’s pay. His books
are published in over 50 countries, and in 10 languages.
Why
Men Earn More
Father and Child Reunion
The Myth of Male Power
Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say
Why Men Are The Way They Are
The Liberated Man
Three Judicial Biases About Moms, Dads and Children
by Warren Farrell, Ph.D.
I am in the process of planning a teleseminar that has evolved from a
combination of my research for Father and Child Reunion and my expert
witness work on custody issues.
When I do expert witness work, I confront three biases from most judges that I was also
surprised to see proven invalid when I did the research for Father and Child Reunion. The first
bias is the stability bias; the second is the mother bias; and the third is
the 'If-the-couple-is-in-conflict-joint-custody-will-not-work' bias. All of
these biases apply to post-divorce parenting.
The Stability Bias.
Judges understandably reason that amid the instability of divorce, children
are best stabilized by staying in the home they are accustomed to with the
parent who has been the primary parent. I call this "geographical
stability". The research shows that geographical stability does not
create psychological stability. For children of divorce, geographical
stability is "one parent stability"; this
article explains why "one parent stability" is psychologically
destabilizing. For example...
Studies show that after divorce the children who do best psychologically have
about an equal amount of exposure to both mom and dad--especially if both
parents live near each other, and there is no bad-mouthing. The psychological
stability of two-parents equally involved leads to the children also doing
better academically and socially, and being healthier physically.
Why does two parent stability trump geographical stability?
No one can be 100% sure, but a blend of research and observation offer clues.
Three quick assertions in quasi-headline form...
First, the job of a child growing up is to discover who it is. Who is it? It
is half mom and half dad. It is not the better parent. It is both parents.
Warts and all. So we are not talking here about fathers' rights, mothers'
rights or even the child's right to both parents. We are talking about a new
paradigm: the child's right to both halves of itself.
Second, children with minimal exposure to one parent seem to feel abandoned,
often psychologically rudderless.
Third, dads and moms, like Republicans and Democrats, provide checks and
balances. Moms tend to overstress protection; dads may overstress
risk-taking. There has to be a balance of power for the child to absorb a
balance of both parents' values. One parent dominating tends to leave the
child with a stereotyped and biased perspective of the values of the minority
parent, and ultimately a lack of appreciation for that part of itself.
The Mother Bias.
Most judges do believe children do best with both parents, but if they must
live with one, mom is given the edge. In fact, the new research I report in Father
and Child Reunion very clearly shows that children brought up by
dad are more likely to do better psychologically, physically, academically
and socially than those brought up by mom.
I will explain in the teleseminar not only some of the twenty-five measures
that create this counterintuitive conclusion, but also what dads do
unconsciously that so often works to the benefit of the child. At the same
time, I will also explain why it would be erroneous to conclude that men make
better dads than women do moms (e.g., dads usually have more income).
The "If-the-couple-is-in-conflict-joint-custody-will-not-work"
Bias.
Conflict-- especially bad-mouthing-- hurts all parenting arrangements. The
more the conflict, though, the more important it is for the child to see both
parents about equally, because conflict leaves the child vulnerable to
feeling that the parent it does not see has abandoned it-- does not love
her or him. The less the child sees a parent the easier it is to form a negative and caricatured stereotype of the unseen
parent. This leads to the child feeling negative about that half of her or
himself.
Finally, a system that says, "If the couple can't get along in court how
are they going to get along enough to share the children?" creates an
incentive for the mom to initiate conflict. Why the mom? The Mom Bias teaches
mom that if she can erase the joint custody option, she is more likely than
dad to be given custody of the children. This awareness creates an incentive
for a mom who wants full custody to not co-operate with the dad.
The three biases in combination lead to many options after divorce not being
considered. The teleseminar and Father
and Child Reunion explore some of those options.
My experience thus far is that virtually all judges are focused on doing what
is best for the children, as are most moms and dads; that the above responses
to these biases address the issues that prevent judges from giving more
priority to securing both parents' equal involvement; that once judges know
this, their rulings are much more likely to incorporate this prioritization.
For more information on the teleseminar, email Eric Hornak at http://us.f369.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=eahornak@comcast.net.
Bio
of Warren
Farrell, Ph.D.
Dr. Warren Farrell began his research on gender issues in the ‘60s.
His first book, The Liberated Man, was published in 1974. It was from
the women’s perspective and the feminist perspective. By the ‘80s, he began
noticing that men were feeling misrepresented, and his award-winning national
best-seller, Why Men Are The Way They Are, was written to answer
women’s questions about men in a way that rings true for men. The New York
Post calls it "the most important book ever written about love, sex,
and intimacy."
By the ‘90s, Dr. Farrell felt the misunderstandings about men had deepened
and become dangerous to the survival of families and love. He confronted the
misunderstandings head-on with the award-winning The Myth of Male Power,
a book the The Library Journal ranked as “better than Robert Bly’s Iron
John or any of Betty Freidan’s works.” (His books are published in over
50 countries in 13 languages.)
By the turn of the century Dr. Farrell wanted to provide the sexes with the
tools to communicate-- in particular to hear personal criticism from a loved
one, especially when given badly. That was the take-off point for Women
Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say, a selection of the Book-of-the-Month Club.
By 2001 Dr. Farrell completed research he had been working on for 13 years on
the conditions under which children of divorce are most likely to be raised
successfully. That book, Father and Child Reunion, has renewed the
commitment of many dads to be with their children, and its research has
helped judges understand the importance of dads.
Warren’s
most recent book is Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth
Behind the Pay Gap -- and What Women Can Do About It. It documents why
the pay gap is not about discrimination but about 25 differences between men
and women’s work-life decisions.
Warren has appeared on over 1000 TV and radio shows, and been
interviewed frequently by Oprah and Barbara, and by Larry King and the late
Peter Jennings. He has been featured repeatedly on 20/20 and in The
New York Times, in People and Parade, on CBS Sunday
Morning and NBC Nightly News, in Forbes and The Wall
Street Journal, and on the Today Show, the Tomorrow Show,
and even To Tell The Truth. He's never appeared on Desperate
Housewives.
Warren Farrell’s understanding of both sexes is symbolized by his being, on
the one hand, on the boards of four national men’s organizations, and on the
other hand, being the only man in the US to be elected three times to the
Board of Directors of the National Organization for Women in New York City.
Similarly, he has started over 600 men's and women's groups, and over
200,000 women and men have attended his workshops worldwide. He is the
only person chosen to speak at both of former California Governor
Wilson’s 1995 conferences – his Conference on Men and his Conference
on Women.
President Johnson chose Dr. Farrell as one of the outstanding young educators
in the United States. (The man's been around for awhile!) He has taught
political science, psychology, women’s studies and sociology, and most
recently taught at the School of Medicine at the University of California at San Diego. Dr. Farrell has been chosen by the International
Biographic Centre of London as one of the World’s 2000 Outstanding Scholars
of the 20th Century and, in quite a different take, chosen by The Financial Times as one of the worlds top 100 Thought
Leaders.
He’s in Who’s Who in America
and Who’s Who in the World, but his best moments are at home in Carlsbad, California (with his wife, Liz and their two teenage daughters).
You can take a peek at www.warrenfarrell.com.
Dr. Warren Farrell
Dr. Warren Farrell is available for expert testimony to help fathers stay
equally involved in their children's lives after divorce.
CLICK HERE
to contact Dr. Warren Farrell for information.
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